Some pressure before an important test is normal. But when anxiety becomes overwhelming, it can undermine performance. Here's how to keep things balanced.
Signs Your Child May Be Anxious
- ⚠️ Complaining of stomach aches or headaches before study time
- ⚠️ Avoiding practice or becoming tearful
- ⚠️ Difficulty sleeping
- ⚠️ Saying “I'm going to fail” or “I'm not smart enough”
- ⚠️ Performance getting worse despite more practice (burnout)
Strategies That Help
Separate Effort from Outcome
Praise the work, not the result. “I'm proud of how hard you're working” is better than “You need to get into grammar school.”
Normalise the Experience
Thousands of children take the same test. Some will get in, some won't — and both outcomes are fine.
Make Practice Low-Stakes
Frame practice as skill-building: “Let's see which topics feel tricky today” rather than “Let's see what you score.”
Build Familiarity
Regular timed practice under exam-like conditions reduces novelty on the day. Familiarity reduces anxiety.
Teach Simple Breathing
Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4, breathe out for 4. Can be done silently at the desk during the exam.
Maintain Normal Life
Don't cancel activities. Sport, play, friends, and downtime are essential for wellbeing and performance.
What to Say on Exam Day
- 💬 “Just do your best — that's all anyone can ask.”
- 💬 “If you get stuck, skip it and come back.”
- 💬 “We're proud of you whatever happens today.”
- 💬 “Let's go for [favourite treat] afterwards.”
After the Exam
Don't debrief immediately. If they want to talk, listen. If not, that's fine. Avoid “How did it go?” — try “How are you feeling?” instead.